Gobble gobble, my damies! I've got a Tedsgiving 6-pack of picks for ya. But before I unleash that Turducken of a beast, just a friendly reminder. In order to ensure that you have as pleasurable a Thanksgiving as humanly possible, refrain from starting and/or engaging in any conversations that involve these topics:
Politics
Religion
The right and wrong ways to raise a child
Whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich
Politics
Religion
What is and isn't a catch in the NFL
Steer clear of those napalm laced talking points, and you should be good to go! And if you happen to have a relative that's actually watching and caught up on Fargo? Well then that, my friends, would be you ending up with the large part of the wishbone. Figuratively speaking of course. I'm still of the opinion that ending up with a lesser chunk of bird skeleton should really constitute a win in that situation. But again, not an argument you're trying to get into with the relatives...
Soiled bird corpse aside, I hope you Teds have yourselves a fantastic and restorative Thanksgiving. And in failing that, maybe just a better than average weekend. Ya know. Keep the bar nice and low, so it's easy to grab. Or jump over? What are we doin' with that "bar", anyway? Hitting it? Because that's what I'm about to do. Oh!...
Gobble gobble, my friends. And good luck...
Thanksgiving Picks
Detroit Lions (pick) vs Philadelphia Eagles + UNDER 46
Dallas Cowboys (pick) vs Carolina Panthers + OVER 45
OK, hot take enthusiasts. I've got ya back in my crosshairs. So here are a few hot takes on some of today's hot topics. And then, of course, I'll present you with this week's prodigious picks. So enjoy...
Daily Fantasy Sports
Daily fantasy sports is gambling. OR is it Daily Fantasy Sports are gambling? Either way, that thing you see all of the commercials for? That's gambling. The government even called it gambling when it allowed it to exist (as they had thoroughly underestimaTed the potential tax windfall had they decided to regulate it from jump street). And it probably should be regulaTed, for the sake and safety of the players more than anything else (see: online poker). It sucks that the UniTed States government have to be the ones doing the regulating. Because they'll probably opt to burn it down and slowly build it back up (see: online poker), effectively killing the industry as we've come to know it. But regulation, in some official and transparent form, is definitely necessary. Massachusetts Attorney General Maura Healey took a very sane and reasonable stand yesterday that I'd like to hope many other states will emulate. But I don't have much faith that they will. Ya know, because they want their respective cuts...
That all being said, anyone citing the fact that only a small % of players actually win as a reason to shut it down is just as ignorant as they are undoubTedly hungry for power and fame (see: NY attorney general). What separates the "luck" based games (scratch tickets, slot machines, etc) from the "skill" based games (poker, daily fantasy, the stock market) is the competition. In the luck games, you're playing against the "house", and its massive house edge. In the skill games, you're playing against other players, while paying the house a flat fee for the right to do so. If you can garner a win rate that makes you more than the house fee, you profit. And whether you're able to profit will ultimately depend upon your ability to use information and experience to your advantage. The better informed and more experienced players will win. The rest will break even or lose. Luck is involved, of course. But you show me a business venture in which luck doesn't play a role, and I'll show you a sucker that doesn't deserve to be separaTed from their money....
And of course only a small % of people are going to be successful! That's like every industry EVER! But I digress...
So yeah. It's gambling. But no more than any other money making venture. Fact is, the government just wants their slice. And they'll probably get it. AKA Enjoy it while it lasts. Because most good things never do...
Boston Red Sox
I liked when the Red Sox hired Dave Dombrowski to run their baseball operations. I really did. Guy's got a good track record, he likes pitchers who throw hard. OK, good stuff! Let's do this! But when he "chose" to bring back John Farrell as manager, I immediately knew this was a "Meet the old boss..." type of situation. Really? Guy gets the reigns and he decides on his own that the middling manager in place is the first guy he'd choose? Yep, I'm not buyin' it. Dombrowski's just the latest lackey for the ownership group, and the moves he makes or doesn't make will almost definitely continue to reflect that fact. It's disappointing, but I'll be pleasantly shocked if that doesn't turn out to be the case...
Oh, and I don't like the Craig Kimbrel trade. Not because of that preceding mini-rant, and not because I love those minor leaguers and/or dislike Kimbrel. Kimbrel is fine, and I don't know those minor leaguers from Adam. I just know that the currency the Red Sox just used for a closer is typically reserved for acquiring a frontline starting pitcher or a big bat for the middle of your lineup. Not for a guy who's only going to throw about 60-70 innings. No matter how impressively efficient hose innings may be. Ya know, because it's common knowledge at this point that, while it looks important on TV and feels good as a fan, it doesn't actually matter when a guy pitches, so much as it matters how often he pitches. And with that being the case, I'd rather use my best assets to acquire a guy who's gonna have a bigger impact (i.e. the potentially disgruntled Jose Fernandez???). But that's just me...
As for Big Papi's impending retirement. I'm gonna miss him. I just hope he doesn't mail it in this year with no contracts left for which to play. Which, yeah. I'm considering a distinct possibility. Not that I could blame him...
College Basketball
BASKETBALL SEASON HAS RETURNED!
When 'Hate Me Now' was a popular(?) song, a friend of mine would always replace the word 'Escobar' in the very beginning with the word 'basketball'. He even wanted us to play it as the intro on our high school basketball warm up tape, figuring we would just will everyone into believing that's what was actually being said. A noble thought, but no. Even so. BASKETBALL SEASON HAS RETURNED!
Yep, and it's gonna be glorious, per usual. Well, maybe not for my Syracuse Orange. Who'll likely be going through some growing pains. But it should still be plenty entertaining, per usual. So keep your eyes here for any pertinent updates, and I'll even start rolling out my weekly top 25 right around Christmas time. So you've got that to look forward to. Which is nice...
#slacktivism
The terror attacks this past week in Paris were tragic. Your changing of your social media profile picture to reflect your support, if that's all that you did? It's lazy at best, and pathetic at worst...
Yep. Not sorry, and not mincing words. Because, what? Your friends and family didn't know that you were anti-terrorism? Because those are the only people you're informing with your one-size-fits-all tribute. No, you did it to draw attention to yourself AND/OR to fit in. Plain and simple. And to use such a tragic event to draw attention to yourself is pathetic. Always has been, and always will be. So do something, even if it's just something as simple as adding to the ongoing discussion. Or do nothing. Whatever makes you comfortable. But don't be a slacktivist, and let your pseudo-support bastardize and trivialize the whole situation. This is terrorism. It's not an opportunity to make a Facebook memory. So act accordingly...
OK. Yeah, so sorry for ending with the grumpy GET OFF MY LAWN rant. But here we are. We can be better. So let's be better, Teds. And let's start by being richer Teds! No comma there. Because we'll all be rich Teds. Ya know, after we all take my advice and use it to profit off of this week's football slate. Ya! Rich Teds!
Good luck, friends. And I'll catch you next week...
Week 11 Picks New England Patriots (-7) vs Buffalo Bills
Indianapolis Colts (+6) @ Atlanta Falcons
Chicago Bears (-1) vs Denver Broncos
Detroit Lions (+2) vs Oakland Raiders + OVER 48.5
Dallas Cowboys (pick) @ Miami Dolphins
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+7) @ Philadelphia Eagles
Carolina Panthers (-7) vs Washington Tedskins
Baltimore Ravens (-1.5) vs St. Louis Rams
Kansas City Chiefs (-3) @ San Diego Chargers
Minnesota Vikings (pick) vs Green Bay Packers
San Francisco 49ers (+13) @ Seattle Seahawks
Arizona Cardinals (-3) vs Cincinnati Bengals
Last Week: 7-9-0
Overall: 75-69-4 (.521)
NCAA Top 25 Picks (9) Michigan St. (+14.5) @ (2) Ohio St.
Oof. I really took it on the chin last week, didn't I Teds? Yep, I sure did. And now I find myself hoovering just below profitability (that would be 55%+). But that's OK. I'm not daunTed...
Unfortunately, not being daunTed hasn't been enough to spark any creativity in terms of critical insight or witty commentary (I'll probably have thoughts on daily fantasy and the Red Sox next week). Though it has served as a catalyst for me to buckle down a little more than usual in an attempt to right the ship and churn out a winning week. A strategy that has me picking against my dinged up Patriots, for some reason. Probably because of those aforementioned dings, but yeah...
So either I'm in the forest, and I can't see the trees. In which case this weekend could very well be this season's Waterloo. OR I'm in the trees, but able to chip out into the fairway...and then get a good kick...and some roll. In which case this weekend could very well be my Gettysburg!...
See how I tried to work that golf reference in there (along with conveniently justifying my punny title)? Yeah, that's because I'm golfing again. Yep, turns out I underestimaTed the length of the season. Which'll happen when you take more than a decade off from the game. At least that's what I've been telling myself. I don't know, what do those people who are annually surprised that the seasons change tell themselves? Because that's what I've got goin' on. So I feel your pain, "OMG I can't believe it's not 75 degrees outside in late Octobah!" guy. I feel. Your pain...
I feel the tide starting to turn, too. So let's reap that pain's gain together, my damies. And have ourselves a nice and profitable weekend. Good luck, friends. And I'll catch you next time...
Week 10 Picks New York Giants (+8) vs New England Patriots
Green Bay Packers (-11.5) vs Detroit Lions
Carolina Panthers (-4.5) @ Tennessee Titans
St. Louis Rams (-7) vs Chicago Bears
Philadelphia Eagles (-6) vs Miami Dolphins
Pittsburgh Steelers (-4.5) vs Cleveland Browns
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-1) vs Dallas Cowboys
New Orleans Saints (-1) @ Washington Tedskins + UNDER 50
Oakland Raiders (-3) vs Minnesota Vikings
Baltimore Ravens (-5.5) vs Jacksonville Jaguars
Kansas City Chiefs (+7) @ Denver Broncos
Arizona Cardinals (+3) @ Seattle Seahawks + UNDER 45
Cincinnati Bengals (-10.5) vs Houston Texans + UNDER 48
Golf is calling me again, my damies. Thank you very much Indian Summer! That's still politically correct to say, right? I mean, I know Daniel Snyder would give it the OK. But would Daniel Day Lewis? I'm not so sure. So let's just call this, 'The Last of Golf-hicans'. Which I'm sure is a phrase that both Daniel's could get behind. Ya know, despite it being exponentially more offensive...potentially...
But I do have thoughts on the latest "is a hot dog a sandwich?" debate that's setting the Interwebs ablaze. And those thoughts are right here, presented mathematically for your viewing pleasure:
A hot dog - the bun = a hot dog
A roast beef sandwich - the bread = roast beef
See? A hot dog is NOT a sandwich. Says math. And me. And that picture of a undoubTedly delicious hot dog sandwich, up there. So yeah. Not a sandwich. Not unless you're referring to the artery clogger pictured above...
Oh, and I've got the latest trailer for Quentin Tarantino's The Hateful Eight for ya, too. Which, needless to say, looks quite promising. But I'll let you be the judge:
Promising, right? I thought you'd think so. And it should serve to tide us over quite nicely until the latest Coen Brothers' offering drops in February...
OK then. I'm off to golf. And you're off to buy hot dogs. Well, first you're going to lose all of your money playing fantasy sports and betting on games (despite having absorbed my virtual wisdom). Then, lacking both money and self esteem (and likely wearing only stained and/or ripped articles of clothing), you'll be buying those hot dogs. And they'll be delicious, no matter what you choose to call them. Ya know, because you don't have to be smart to enjoy a delicious treat. DARWINISM IS DEAD!...
Good luck, Teds. And I'll catch you next time...
Week 9 Picks New England Patriots (-14) vs Washington Tedskins
Miami Dolphins (+3) @ Buffalo Bills
Minnesota Vikings (-1) vs St. Louis Rams
New Orleans Saints (-7.5) vs Tennessee Titans
Oakland Raiders (+5.5) @ Pittsburgh Steelers
Carolina Panthers (+3) vs Green Bay Packers
Atlanta Falcons (-7) @ San Francisco 49ers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3) vs New York Giants
Denver Broncos (-4.5) @ Indianapolis Colts
Philadelphia Eagles (-2.5) @ Dallas Cowboys + UNDER 45
San Diego Chargers (-4) vs Chicago Bears + UNDER 49
